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BASIC Source File  |  1984-05-04  |  6KB  |  79 lines
  1. 1 'NOTE TO THE READER:
  2. 2 'I WROTE THIS PROGRAM WHILE IN A DRUNKEN STUPOR BUT I HAVE HAD A
  3. 3 'LOT OF LAUGHS OUT OF IT, FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE.
  4. 4 'I ENCOURAGE THE USE OF THE JUNKWARE (tm) TERM BUT ONLY IF ASSO-
  5. 5 'CIATED WITH TRULY WORTHLESS PROGRAMS WHICH ARE GIVEN AWAY WITH
  6. 6 'NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
  7. 7 '
  8. 8 'Dan Moore, March, 1984.
  9. 9 '
  10. 100 SCREEN 0,1:COLOR 31,0,0:WIDTH 80:KEY OFF:CLS
  11. 200 LOCATE 5,34:PRINT"d:tradeMark III"
  12. 300 LOCATE 7,34:PRINT" Version 1.0A  "
  13. 400 COLOR 9,0,0:LOCATE 12,20:PRINT"This program and its output are dedicated"
  14. 500 LOCATE 13,20:PRINT"to the thousands of executives, marketeers,"
  15. 600 LOCATE 14,20:PRINT"and, to some extent, programmers who lack"
  16. 700 LOCATE 15,20:PRINT"the imagination required to come up with a"
  17. 800 LOCATE 16,20:PRINT"good name for their computer-related product."
  18. 900 LOCATE 18,20:PRINT"This work of art is also dedicated to the "
  19. 1000 LOCATE 19,20:PRINT"FREEWARE(tm) and SHAREWARE(tm) concepts, which"
  20. 1100 LOCATE 20,20:PRINT"should both be renamed PAYWARE(tm)."
  21. 1200 LOCATE 24,20:PRINT"       Please wait for initialization";
  22. 1300 FOR I=0 TO 9000:NEXT I
  23. 1400 RESTORE 5400:DIM PRE$(400),SUFF$(400):I=1
  24. 1500 READ PRE$(I):IF PRE$(I)="END" THEN 1600 ELSE I=I+1:GOTO 1500
  25. 1600 XF=I-1:I=1:RESTORE 6300
  26. 1700 READ SUFF$(I):IF SUFF$(I)="END" THEN 1800 ELSE I=I+1:GOTO 1700
  27. 1800 XL=I-1
  28. 1900 SCREEN 0,1:COLOR 10,0,0:WIDTH 80:KEY OFF
  29. 2000 CLS:LOCATE 8,34:PRINT"JUNKWARE (tm)";
  30. 2100 LOCATE 12,20:PRINT"If you use this program and find it to be"
  31. 2200 LOCATE 13,20:PRINT"of value, you're a lot worse off than you"
  32. 2300 LOCATE 14,20:PRINT"may think.  First, send me a blank check."
  33. 2400 LOCATE 15,20:PRINT"Second, make an appointment with your ana-"
  34. 2500 LOCATE 16,20:PRINT"lyst and tell him that you have lost touch"
  35. 2600 LOCATE 17,20:PRINT"with reality.":FOR D=1 TO 5000:NEXT D
  36. 2700 LOCATE 20,20:PRINT"To Continue, type the following top-    "
  37. 2800 LOCATE 21,20:PRINT"security, eyes-only sequence:               "
  38. 2900 LOCATE 23,20:PRINT"        Pleez Go On Wiz ze Sho."
  39. 3000 FOR D =1 TO 800:NEXT D:FOR I=20 TO 23:FOR J=20 TO 60:LOCATE I,J:PRINT" ";:NEXT J:NEXT I
  40. 3100 LOCATE 21,20:PRINT"Please type in continue sequence NOW!!!."
  41. 3200 LOCATE 24,20:INPUT A$
  42. 3300  IF A$="Pleez Go On Wiz ze Sho." OR A$="g" OR A$="G" THEN GOTO 3400 ELSE GOTO 2700
  43. 3400 CLS:COLOR 12,0,0:LOCATE 10,20
  44. 3500 RANDOMIZE
  45. 3600 CLS:LOCATE 8,20:PRINT"For Printed Output Stop Display and"
  46. 3700 LOCATE 9,20:PRINT"use Shift/Prtsc."
  47. 3800 LOCATE 11,20:PRINT"To Terminate, Press Ctrl/Break "
  48. 3900 LOCATE 13,20:PRINT"Use F1 Key to Start/Stop Display"
  49. 4000 FOR I=1 TO 4000:NEXT I:CLS
  50. 4100 KEY (1)ON:ON KEY(1) GOSUB 5300
  51. 4200 IF DSW=1 THEN 4100
  52. 4300 X=1+INT(RND*XF)
  53. 4400 F$=PRE$(X)
  54. 4500 'find last half of trademark
  55. 4600 X=1+INT(RND*XL)
  56. 4700 L$=SUFF$(X)
  57. 4800 IF LEN(F$)=1 AND RND>.5 THEN 5100
  58. 4900 COLOR 9+INT(RND*7),0,0:PRINT F$+L$+" ";
  59. 5000 GOTO 4100
  60. 5100 COLOR 9+INT(RND*7),0,0:PRINT F$+":"+L$+" ";
  61. 5200 GOTO 4100
  62. 5300 DSW=1-DSW:RETURN
  63. 5400 DATA Sym,Syn,r,R,Opt-,Opt,Tri,Quad,Pac,Pac-,Auto,Quick,Fast,Lite,Dark,Style,Tax,TK!,Color,Think,Cross,Exec,Execu,Fact,Friendly,Home,Fid,Macro,Personal,Smart,Cool,Total,Versa,Visi,Visual,Finger,Mouse,Touch,Write,Sub,Logic,Link
  64. 5500 DATA Logo,Bull,Turbo,Sun,Moon,Best,Small,Insta,Inst,Forth,Know,Pure,Mega,Meta,Hyper,Easy,Combo,pc,pc-,PC,PC-,Super,Soft,Master,d,D,Supr,Key,Micro,Multi,Trans,Data,Talk,Chat,Easy,Cyber,Insta,Speed,Friend,Desk,Desktop,Flex,Info,Perfect
  65. 5600 DATA Fact,Tele,In,Out,Simple,Stick,Speed,Comp,"The ",Master,Slave,Milli,Nice,Good,School,Pilot,Turtle,Tiger,Lion,Back,File,Floppy,Sensa,Extra,Chip,RAM,ROM,Matrix,Tetra,Penta,Hexa,Hepta,Octo,Deca,Smart,Just,Right,"PC "
  66. 5700 DATA a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z,A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z,Mr.,Mrs,Ms.,Uni,Duo,Trio,Quart,Net,Network,Lan,GP,Nova,Leni,Koala,Bas,Auto,Floppy,Hard,Baby,Cosmo,Think,Thought,Mind,Brain
  67. 5800 DATA enviro,Centre,SNA,Bus,Personal,Structo,Video,Shell,Profi,Scribe,Screen,Accu,Busi*,Tele-,"Le ","La ",Uno,Duo,Kleen,Wire,End,"The Final ","The First ",Stat,Novel,Nouveau,Begin,Work,Office,Ware,Rite,"Flip'n "
  68. 5900 DATA Expanda-,Res,Tempo,J-,Menu,Prime,First,Capi,Ultra,Bonus,Junk,Garb,Window,Frame,Cata,Miser,Glob,Spit,White,Pink,Gray,Bus,Homo,Sex,Tip,Plug,Fore,Queen
  69. 6000 DATA Nite,Mark,"Bank Street ","Letter ",Touch,Pen,Feather,Ball,Pencil,Matrix,Holy,Bible,Scripto,Lexi,Treasure,Golden,Silver,Shadow,Ethyl,Ether,Club,Member,Queer,Gay,Splendo-,Grody,Repulso-,Horny,Lovelace,Deep,X-Rated-
  70. 6100 DATA minus,PoP,Penny,Kine,Strato,Un,"The Un",Speech,Just,Alter,All,Dull,Scum,Slop,Slow,Sole
  71. 6200 DATA END
  72. 6300 DATA On,Talk,Write,Ease,Writer,Graph,Draw,Comp,Exec,Base,base,Jr.,Graphics,Graf,Grafix,Word,Logo,Plan,Mate,Solver,Solve,Pro,Copy,Color,Style,Pad,Board,Mouse,Point,Omega,Beta,Alpha,Gamma,Delta,Mu,Sheet,Play
  73. 6400 DATA File,Filer," I"," II"," III"," Jr."," Sr."," X",Top,Switch,Switcher,Zap,Zapper,Card,Cable,Phone,Fone,Speak,Voice,y,Invader, Adventure,Trace,Vision,Eye,port,Port,Spool,Spooler,Disk,Tape,Rom,Ram,Chip,List,Lister,Mem,Fest
  74. 6500 "1000","2000","3000","4000","5000","6000","7000","8000","9000"," I"," II"," III"," IV"," V"," VI"," VII"," VIII"," IX",EDIT,EDIT,NET,NET,CRAM,CRAM,SOURCE,SOURCE,MASS,MASS,LOGO,LOGO,FLEX,FLEX,SHOW,SHOW,TEK,TEK
  75. 6600 DATA point,Point," Solutions",power,Power," Power",Edit,edit,Pert,pert,Read,read,,Ware,ware,flo,Flo,Basher,basher," Basher"," Cookbook"," Analyzer"," System"
  76. 6700 DATA Helper,help,Help,Command,Cap,Plug,Connect,Analyzer,CAD,Style,Sys
  77. 6800 DATA END
  78. ," Cookbook"," Analyzer"," System"
  79. 6700 DATA Helper,help,Help,Command,Cap,P